Depth is Where the Gold is Buried

It didn’t take long for someone to notice.

Midway through the second song, a girl in front of me turned back, pointed and yelled, “he knows all the words!”.

Well of course I did. I’d been counting down the days to this concert for months.

The Chelsea Cutler concert that is.

Setlist? Memorized it. Tickets? Bought months ago. And words? Yes, let’s go back to that for a second: knew every last one.

Chelsea Cutler is my favorite musician. I’ve listened to every album front to back. Know just about every song inside and out — even ones that haven’t been released. I mean, are you really a Chelsea Cutler fan if you don’t follow her on TikTok?

I’ve dragged (I mean convinced) several friends to listen to and see Chelsea perform. When she’s performing in my city, I go. And when she’s not, friends of mine loop me in. I’ve played a 15-second clip of her performing at Lollapalooza this year at least 20 times. A friend sent it.

It’s an obsession. A weird one, some might say. But it’s the music I like — filled with lyrics that strike me with meaning and emotion. Sue me.

After my brother (who I made go to this particular concert) asked for a second time, “Do you know this song?”, I had to remind him that yes, I know every single one. The girl in front of me, wearing a matching Chelsea Cutler t-shirt, I might add, looked back and smiled — she was a superfan too.

It feels good to be a superfan: to know something inside and out, to be an expert, to be fiercely loyal and supportive to one person, place, product or team.

Why? Depth.

Depth is where the gold is buried.

***

I have friends that have never lived outside the state of Missouri and insist they’ll never leave.

It’s never made sense to me. Why not see what it’s like to live in another city? Why not explore someplace else?

Recently, I started thinking of it this way: it’s not just a choice, but a sacrifice. Living in one place your entire life sacrifices your ability to fully immerse yourself in another part of the world. But, it also gives you the intimacy and familiarity with a community that you cannot fully experience otherwise.

Greater commitment allows for greater depth: with your state, your city, your community, your friends. This is something your traveling friend doesn’t get to fully experience. But it’s a sacrifice they were willing to make.

I would know. I’ve hopped around to multiple cities, jobs, industries, hobbies and relationships — well this one isn’t all by choice (just ask Jennifer) — in recent years.

One minute I’m working in minor league baseball and the next I’m in insurance (with stops in college athletics and a sales desk in between). I’ve lived in three cities in five years (seven apartments at that). I’ve created more Twitter and Instagram accounts for (insert random hobby here) than I can count on one hand.

All this hopping around isn’t exactly the recipe for finding depth.

Side note: I still believe in the power of High Cheddar, but I just haven’t fully committed to it.

***

Commit. Yes, commit. That’s something lacking with High Cheddar (we turn baseball into two minutes of fun). But not with Jon Rothstein.

Jon, if you aren’t familiar, is obsessed, no, OBSESSED with college basketball. He lives and breathes it. No literally, Jon only sleeps in May (ok maybe not literally, but honestly, I’m not 100% sure).

Some people have hobbies. Jon? He watches college basketball.

But there’s something to this, I think. There’s something to the fact that visiting Rome made Jon think of one thing — that Oscar Tshiebwe is the first AP National Player of the Year to return since Tyler Hansbrough in 2008.

This example is extreme and exaggerated, but bear with me.

It’s common these days to search for a life hack: to get ripped or lose 100 pounds in a month, to learn a language in two weeks, to become rich within days of applying the 10 steps of a certain Twitter thread. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t tried to listen to an audiobook at 3x speed.

But you can only achieve a certain level of joy and meaning in life when you commit to something: to one place, one person, one craft, one career. You have to stay committed to something to go deep and dig it up. This is true in relationships, jobs and building a great lifestyle.

Side note: Maybe this is why I’ve always had a thing for girls with tattoos.

They aren’t afraid of commitment.

***

For most of my time in college, I was the guy that wanted to be friends with everyone. I’d make an effort (usually after downing several alcoholic beverages) to talk and mingle with as many people as possible.

After a while, I started to realize that I had a lot of friends, but not many I considered very close (all the alcohol certainly didn’t help the quality of each conversation either). Around the start of my senior year, I started to change and double down on a few close relationships. My circle got smaller, but the quality of my relationships increased dramatically.

I’m sure many of you have experienced something similar.

Given that, instead of having a lot of friends or many talents, I’ve started to value long-term friendships and a professional life where I can master a small set of skills that can compound exponentially (looking at you, Photoshop). I want to place roots in a single city that I call home with a single person that I’m committed to for life (and hopefully have a family one day too).

We all want more money, more experiences, more travels, but typically we are satisfied with less. The more options we have, the less satisfied we are with whatever option we choose.

You see this on the dating scene, where we’re convinced a better partner is just a swipe away. Or in college athletics, where athletes are certain a better opportunity is just a transfer away (old man screams at cloud). You get the point.

As they say, happily-ever-after is more often made than it is found.

***

As David Perell put it so perfectly, “In matters of the heart, commitment brings meaning. In matters of the mind, commitment brings knowledge. And in matters of the material world, running towards the responsibility that comes with commitment takes courage — and with courage comes achievement. People can only become world-class at things they commit to.”

This article is the classic tale of do as I say, not as I do. But I’m starting to think commitment is indeed the way.

Our current environment is optimized for the superficial. Superficial experiences just to post them on Instagram. Superficial friendships that lack connection. Superficial conversations with little substance. Superficial entertainment that we quickly forget.

Seek out depth.

Depth is where the gold is buried.

***

A good friend of mine likes to ask, “if you had to pick three Jeopardy categories you’d be an expert in, what would they be?”

I love this question because it helps reveal the things people have a passion and interest for — where they have sought out depth.

Me? I’ll take “Chelsea Cutler lyrics” for 500.