Shame On You, Tom Hanks

A shadow of doubt followed me growing up.

Particularly in sports. Baseball, basketball, soccer, golf, swimming – I played them all, but rarely did I feel like I was any good.

Even in my own house, I never felt like the best player on my own team – my twin brother held that honor.

Needless to say, confidence wasn’t exactly my strong suit.

Writing was no exception.

***

I never thought of myself as a writer.

Like most things in life, I never even considered myself any good.

But I needed to fill an elective credit junior year of high school and Journalism 101 fit the bill.

I suppose I had a little bit of interest in the course – I loved reading great writing, particularly sports writing – but I never had much ambition to write myself.

To be honest, my decision to take the class was driven more by what it wasn’t – art or music – two areas I felt even less confident in.

We learned about AP Style, headlines, bylines, sentence structure – all of it. If memory serves me correctly, we’d have a writing assignment due just about every class.

And I did quite well – I consistently received A’s. Maybe a few B’s here and there.

But this was nothing new to me. It felt like the usual pattern in school – do what was asked, study to understand the concepts and – as long as it didn’t involve any sort of creative thinking (looking at you, art and music) – I’d turn in the work and typically take home a decent grade.

Much like acing other subjects in school – math, English, history or science – I didn’t consider this anything remarkable. I assumed that with enough time and effort, anyone could achieve the same.

My view of my writing ability followed a similar track. Sure, the teacher kept handing me good grades – but I wasn’t writing anything special or out of the ordinary. How hard could this class really be?

***

One day Mrs. Jorgensen, my teacher, told me to stay after class.

Her words shifted my perspective completely.

“You’re a really good writer,” she said. “You should know that.”

Those two sentences – that minor compliment – had a major impact on my life.

I really believe that.

Prior to that moment, I never really thought of writing as a skill – something that even required creativity to fully master. I never considered myself uniquely gifted or superior in any way.

After that moment, I discovered a newfound confidence in writing – a feeling I hadn’t yet experienced with anything else. When faced with a writing assignment, I was certain I could deliver something good.

It wasn’t just others who started to believe in my abilities as a writer – I too, began to believe in myself.

I went on to join the school newspaper, at Mrs. Jorgensen’s encouragement. This newfound confidence and belief also led me to intern with my local newspaper later in high school and even minor in Journalism in college.

To this day, writing is a major part of both my job and how I spend my free time.

***

There’s a long list of what psychologists refer to as “self-assessment biases”. The Dunning-Kruger Effect is held in high regard – it’s the tendency of people who have low ability in a particular area to overestimate their competence in that area.

The opposite of this is also true: talented people tend to underestimate their abilities, taking for granted what comes naturally to them.

It’s as if people are blind to their own brilliance.

In short, these self-assessment biases form a universal truth – we’re all pretty terrible at objectively evaluating our own capabilities.

All of us fall into this trap – from (what some might deem) a slightly above-average writer like me to supremely talented stars like Tom Hanks.

Speaking of Hanks, did you know he never once initially considered an acting career?

Yes, really.

He took drama classes in high school and acted in a few school plays – but he never thought of himself as one with unique acting abilities.

That is, until a year after high school when he had a fateful encounter with an old friend.

The friend, who had witnessed Hanks’ acting skills, asked him, “Are you still doing plays?”

“No, I’m a hotel bellman,” Hanks said.

What followed was a moment of truth Hanks considers responsible for changing the trajectory of his life.

The friend scolded back, “Shame on you. You should be taking drama classes, and you should be doing plays. Shame on you.”

Those words rattled him.

It wasn’t until that moment that Hanks really thought he could make it as an actor.

Days later, Hanks enrolled in drama classes at a local community college. After two years, he transferred to California State University at Sacramento – literally the only school he could get into and do plays.

He eventually dropped out to join a professional theater company and well, we all know how this Hollywood story goes – that was just the start of one of the greatest acting careers ever.

***

NBA great Bill Russell once commented (well into his NBA career) that he never received any positive feedback from his college coach.

The coach told Russell that he had so much talent he didn’t need positive feedback.

“The hell I didn’t,” Russell responded. “Everyone wants to be told they are doing a good job…It never hurts to say a good word.”

Everyone is terrible at objectively evaluating their abilities. Even Bill Russell.

Even Tom Hanks.

A possible lesson in this? When you see potential in others, tell them.

When someone deserves praise, compliment them.

I’m certain Mrs. Jorgensen doesn’t remember the words she shared with me.

Me? I’ll never forget.