Volume 3 | How To Give The Perfect Gift

Three newsletters down. Some may say we're building a dynasty. Others may say, or rather, may be saying "shut the hell up and get to the point...what are we thinking about this week?".

For those saying the latter: one, I appreciate your directness. And two, I have a gift for you - we're getting right to it.

Here's what I've been thinking about lately:*

*In addition to "why the hell did I drink so much this weekend?"

Haven't subscribed? New here? This newsletter, Makes Ya Think, poses questions about human behavior, and hopefully, provides insights that challenge your beliefs, offer a unique perspective and if nothing else...make you think.

How do I get someone the perfect gift?

Great question. And hurry up, you're running out of time!

My advice? Don't try to adopt their perspective and guess what they might like - ask them!

Research shows that people appreciate gifts they specifically ask for more than those they passively receive.

Don't ask and you risk feeling like Barack Obama did in 2009.

Obama, on his first presidential trip to the UK, gifted Prime Minister Gordon Brown a DVD set of the best American movies ever made.

The only problem? Gordon Brown is almost legally blind.

Now, while this example is extreme, I think it emphasizes a powerful point: instead of trying to see things from another person's point of view, it's much more effective to go get their perspective.

This turns out to be widely applicable wisdom (don't worry, we'll get to that).

In the case of gift-giving, this means asking the person what they want or at the very least, having someone else ask for you. If you'd like to be more discrete, listen carefully while they drop hints of what they want and give them that.

It's the thought that counts though, right? Not always. If you're unsure what might be thoughtful, the science is clear: don't try to read the other person's mind - just ask!

Carefully considering another person's perspective doesn't guarantee you'll be able to do so accurately.

I'm not convinced. How about another example?

Ok ok, I guess. Just for you...

The U.S. government signed the "don't ask, don't tell" policy in 1993, banning gays and lesbians from serving openly in the military.

In 2010, the Obama administration weighed the consequences of reversing the law.

Their first approach involved hearing the perspectives of 1,167 retired military officers. In a letter to President Obama and members of congress, they strongly opposed a reversal, citing past military experience.

"Our past experience as military leaders leads us to be greatly concerned about the impact of repeal on morale, discipline, unit cohesion and overall military readiness," they wrote.

Their second approach was slightly different. This time, the administration directly asked over 115,000 current military soldiers their opinion via a survey.

The result? These soldiers had relatively few concerns. In fact, 70 percent thought a repeal would have no effect or a positive effect on the military. Better yet, 69 percent of respondents said they had worked with a gay service member already and of that group, 92 percent said it had no effect or a positive effect on the unit's cohesiveness.

The law was eventually repealed in 2011. A year later, the military published a study on the effect of the policy reversal.

How did things turn out? The title of the press release says it best, "First Study of Openly Gay Military Service Finds 'Non-Event' at One-Year Mark."

It was clear: the retired soldiers who tried to imagine the perspective of the current soldiers were wrong.

The better approach? Getting perspective. When asked directly, the current soldiers were honest and accurate.

It appears knowing what others think involves asking and listening, not just reading and guessing.

Story I'm Thinking About

This story gave me all the feels after reading it on Twitter the other day. This is a great reminder to stay present and cherish the time you have with your loved ones. I'm certainly guilty of forgetting that.

Make the chili. Every day is a gift.

Quote I'm Thinking About

This is one of the good parts of life. Without even a word spoken, every now and then I become fascinated by someone and just happy to find out that we both exist in the same world.

Parting Thoughts

The other week I wrote about seeking depth and avoiding shortcuts. This past week, I had a taste of my own medicine.

In an effort to look my best (aka frickin' jacked) in Mexico next week, I started working out consistently and taking creatine. I could feel it working. Problem is, I have a very weak stomach, the creatine wrecked it completely and now I feel even weaker than before.

Maybe I should've started my beach bod training more than three weeks in advance. Lesson learned.

Thanks in advance (signing off like your passive-aggressive coworker),

Kevin