Want To Be Happier? Talk To Your Uber Driver | Volume 13

Don't tell my boss, but I struggled to find time to write this week and took an hour or so on this lovely Friday to finish up this edition.

I'm starting to think this is turning into more of a blog than a newsletter, so I may be changing a few things up soon.

One week would be more of a "articles/tweets/things that made me think" type of newsletter with my perspective sprinkled in. The next would be more of a longer-form blog with my thoughts on a certain topic that I've been thinking about.

Feel free to weigh in with your thoughts. Anyways...

Here's what I've been thinking about lately:*

*In addition to "I should probably get back to work (sorry boss)"

Haven't subscribed? New here? This newsletter, Makes Ya Think, poses questions about human behavior, and hopefully, provides insights that challenge your beliefs, offer a unique perspective and if nothing else...make you think.

Could a brief conversation with your Uber driver make you happier?

Aristotle once said, “man is by nature a social animal”.

But Aristotle never rode the train with me during my morning commute in Chicago.

For nearly five years, I boarded the train each weekday morning.

Each morning was almost always the same: passengers would board alone, walk in silently and leave as much room between them and the next person as they possibly could.

Even as more and more people filed in at each stop, it’d be difficult to find a smile, much less a spoken word out of the bunch.

Eventually, people would be crammed literally inches from one another yet still completely ignore each other.

Social animals? Really?

With eyes glued to their phones, these supposed “social animals” (myself included) would spend 15-30 minutes within 10 feet of two dozen people and wouldn’t say a single word.

***

By disengaging with other people in this way, we’re avoiding a main source of human happiness: human connection – engaging with other people.

In fact, lacking social connection is associated with a reduction in lifespan equal to the risk of smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

FIFTEEN!

Smoking kills, but loneliness does too.

In several large studies, research has shown that having positive relationships with friends and family is a stronger predictor of happiness than money or material possessions.

In fact, having strong social connections has been proven to reduce stress, increase mood, improve physical and mental health and help you live longer.

Better yet, people that regularly engage with others are more likely to report higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction.

The longest study on happiness (that one Harvard study you’ve probably heard about) found that strong social connections were a key predictor of happiness and health and that people who had close relationships with family, friends and community members were more likely to live longer and experience greater well-being.

So then why do we constantly neglect opportunities to turn an unpleasant experience into a more positive one by engaging with those around us, whether that be on the morning commute or waiting in line at the grocery store?

Now, I know what you might be thinking. As someone that’s very introverted, I too, would rather stand in line at the DMV than speak to anyone before 8am. Or rather, for the most part, speak to any stranger at all.

I like my solitude and much prefer in-depth 1-on-1 conversation to small talk.

I mean, let’s be real, how much of an impact can a brief conversation with a stranger even have?

I think I read in this newsletter I subscribe to that we should seek out depth – I see no point in chit-chatting in line with Susan about her weekend or the weather!

Well, luckily for you (and me), a few others have already studied this question – and the benefits are greater than you might think.

In a 2014 study conducted by Nicholas Epley, participants were instructed to engage in a conversation with a stranger during their daily commute.

What did they find? The participants who engaged in conversation reported feeling happier during their commute than those who sat alone or simply used their phone.

And interestingly enough, the length of the conversation didn’t seem to significantly affect the outcome. Even a brief, 5-minute conversation was enough to significantly increase participants' feelings of social connection and belonging.

But wait a second…let me speak up for the shy folks here: I’m sure all these people that felt happier were extroverts, right?

Not quite. The results weren’t restricted to certain personality types either. The study found that people had a more positive experience when chatting with their neighbor regardless of whether they were outgoing, shy, open or reserved.

In 2018, Starbucks conducted a similar study known as the “Third Place Effect”.

The study involved 1,000 participants across the United States who were asked to visit a Starbucks location for 30 minutes without any specific task or agenda.

What did the study find?

Participants who visited Starbucks and engaged in casual conversation with others reported feeling a greater sense of connection to their community and to others in general. They also reported feeling less lonely and more positive emotions compared to those who did not engage in conversation.

These findings both suggest that even brief (five minutes!) interactions with strangers can have a meaningful impact on our sense of social connection, belonging and well-being.

***

I noticed this effect on the slopes the other week.

I spent most of one day skiing by myself. After each run, I inevitably had to ride the chairlift up with a few strangers.

The first few times up the lift, I decided to stay silent, enjoy the peace and quiet and take in the view. As I mentioned earlier, I’m pretty introverted* and usually prefer to keep quiet versus striking up a conversation with a stranger.

But then, my next time up the lift, for whatever reason, I said what the hell, I’ll start chatting these people up.

That very first ride, quite coincidentally, turned out to be two young couples that recently moved from Chicago to St. Louis – the city I just moved from and the city I grew up in.

We talked about our favorite places in each city, what neighborhoods we lived in and the last time we ended up at Wheelhouse until 3 am (if you know, you know).

The ride was over in what felt like a second and more importantly – it truly was enjoyable.

And sure, maybe that was beginners’ luck, but the conversation made me want to continue to engage with other people throughout the day.

Sure, some of my other conversations weren’t as long or as pleasant. But, I also rode up with a few other fun and/or interesting folks:

• A couple on vacation from California with their 7-year-old daughter. We played I Spy the whole ride up the lift. After commenting on their game, they let me play along.

• A student from Brigham Young University who is studying to be an elementary school teacher. She said she goes to all the BYU men’s basketball games and we bonded over our love of Jimmer Fredette.

• A member of the safety team on the mountain. He gave me unsolicited, yet helpful tips on the type of skis I should buy if I want to be able to carve in the powder better. Cool dude. Loves to ski and said he had the perfect job. Salt Lake City native.

And shoutout to my guy Robbie (I think that was his name). He offered me a sip of his beer – I said no (lame), but very much appreciated the offer.

These weren’t long conversations – but I truly did find myself more energized getting off the lift afterward than when I decided to sit and enjoy the ride in silence.

Even if you don’t feel like it, research shows that by prioritizing social connections and engaging with others, we can improve our overall quality of life.

As I’ve said before, our ability to engage with the minds of others is one of our brain’s greatest strengths.

Would you be happier if you routinely engaged with strangers instead of viewing them as mindless objects that happen to be occupying the same space?

I think you would.

So, my (unsolicited) advice?

Talk to your Uber driver the next time you hop in.

More than likely, you’ll be happy you did.

Side note: if that comment about my introversion surprises you, it’s probably because we met in college when I was drunk 90% of the time (don’t worry mom, that number is an exaggeration). I’ve also become less shy as I’ve gotten older.

Parting Thoughts

I'm about to take an Uber to my friend's place before going to the Nuggets game tonight. Can't wait to see The Joker in action.

Oh, and I'll definitely be chatting up my Uber driver too.

Keep Ski Tips Up (signing off like the sign at the end of the chairlift),

Kevin